THE EMERGENT ROLE OF WOMEN LEADING FOR A BETTER WORLD

May 16-17, 1998

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

INTRODUCTION                *

A SUMMARY OF THE OPENING REMARKS              *

TOPIC #1:            The Feminine Side of the "Technology" Revolution    *

TOPIC #2:            Storytelling—Success Stories        *

TOPIC #3:            USE OF STORY & DRAMA FOR SOCIAL CHANGE                *

TOPIC #4:            Tapping into the power of circles     *

TOPIC #5:            ABUNDANCE & WHOLEHEARTEDNESS   *

TOPIC #6:            The Power of Akido to Resolve Conflict.        *

TOPIC #7:            Build Equality into our Education System around the "Role of Women in History"             *

TOPIC #8:            Reconciliation      *

TOPIC #9:            MONASTICISM/ WILDERNESS    *

TOPIC #10:          Organizing across distances and differences - "national/local"              *

TOPIC #11:          Beyond Making Art: artists contributing to society in other ways           *

TOPIC #12:          Spirit At Work: Integrating Business and Spirit        *

TOPIC #13:          Humor in the Workplace   *

TOPIC #14:          How to bridge between cultures. Why are all women white?      *

TOPIC #15:          Women as Peacemakers/Reconciliation/Making Sense of What’s         *

TOPIC #16:          Prevention/Intervention of violence and school failure by youth                *

TOPIC #17:          How can we guide and support our young daughters to develop a pleasure-filled, healthy, and safe sexuality?     *

TOPIC #18:          Women in Prison                *

TOPIC #19:          Surrendering to the call of the cave; & Self emerging through grief and loss      *

TOPIC #20:          Individuation and Connection            *

TOPIC #21:          Seniors doing things with the added support of the young.         *

TOPIC #22:          Requesting from Pleasure—Creating Powerfully with Men     *

TOPIC #23:          Spirituality in Business    *

TOPIC #24:          Listening to the Deep Feminine - Inviting Her presence through dialogue             *

TOPIC #25:          Emerging Tools and Processes for Creating & Building Sustainable Environments: Recreating Democracy and Community Building        *

TOPIC #26:          Clay Studio           *

TOPIC #27:          Healing the Abuse of Power              *

TOPIC #28:          Mentoring             *

TOPIC #29:          Money & Women’s Beliefs & Attitudes About It         *

TOPIC #30:          Media and Women: Feminism in Media          *

TOPIC #31:          I Shared this Vision.......     *

TOPIC #32:          Reflecting on what we are learning about how we/I lead.             *

TOPIC #33:          Living With and Through Intention                *

TOPIC #34:          Recognizing and Dealing With Shoulds        *

TOPIC #35:          Midwifing the feminine      *

TOPIC #36:          The Power of the Intuitive or Putting the Rational in its Place  *

TOPIC #37:          How Pregnancy, Menopause & Uniquely Female Physical events affect our working lives and leadership styles.                *

TOPIC #38:          Celebrating our Stories     *

TOPIC #39:          Authentic Leadership; Owning Your Power  *

TOPIC #40:          Exploring the Relationships Among Creativity, Being Highly Capable/Gifted, and Depression                *

TOPIC #41:          Open Space for Transformation       *

SONGS FROM WOMEN'S OPEN SPACE   *

THE SEVEN OF PENTACLES          *

MESSENGER       *

A RETURN TO LOVE        *

 

INTRODUCTION

On May 16 and 17, 1998, 120 women gathered to explore the Emerging Role of Women as Leaders for a Better World.

May 25, 1998

Dear Dancers:

Well, I guess we SAW how we lead! What a wonderful leaderfull gathering! From 8:00AM on Saturday when Estelle and Lucinda walked in from California and immediately helped get things organized (Estelle asked "Is there any coffee yet?" Jeretta Scott and I pointed at the pots and the bags of Starbucks waiting to be brewed. Estelle said "Okay, then, I'll make the coffee for us all.") to Cleo and Lucinda checking every classroom to make certain we'd left Pathfinder School just as we found it-- leadership moved fluidly from one person to another!


Here's what you recorded in the small groups that formed. You'll see that Fidelma McGinn, Rachel Bolton and Peg Holman have put together a mailing list so we can continue networking. It's in the back of The Book.


We have a Home Page at Basecamp on the Seattle Community Network at www.scn.org/ip/basecamp. So we hope you'll continue the relationships we started May 16th and 17th!


We received donations from the following merchants: Starbucks, Kuan Yin Tea House, Lisa's Catering contributed whatever the food cost over the $10.00 maximum she guaranteed us, plus they lent us some pots and pans. Pathfinder School contributed their wonderful "home" for us to learn in.


We decided to contribute any extra money (after the costs) to Pathfinder School, the Seattle Women's Business Exchange (for the Central American women's Exchange program), and the Open Space Institute.

Thank you all for an inspiring two days!!

Love,

Anne Stadler, for all the Convenors

 

 

A SUMMARY OF THE OPENING REMARKS

The Story of this Event

Last November, Anne Stadler opened the space for a group like this in Boston. When she returned, she kept telling friends about this amazing experience. Many of them expressed a desire to participate in such a conversation. At some point, Anne thought, "Why not?" She contacted 30-40 of her friends to say, join me. So, about 35 women reached out to their friends who also passed the word on… and here we are.

So, please notice, we have already done something quite remarkable:

There is no sponsoring organization for this event.

There are no famous speakers.

Just through the invitation of friends, we have brought together 120 people.

Why?

There seems to be something happening.

Here are some examples:

Women Opening New Businesses

"Women are opening up new businesses at twice the rate of men. And they're employing more people than the Fortune 500 combined. They've been able to break out of the corporation faster because they were so disheartened by it. Now husbands are following wives home and we're seeing an incredible, unbelievable upsurgence of new small businesses."

Faith Popcorn, from a recent AQP article

 

"Bosnia's Women Knit Their Nation Back Together"

Beba Hadzic, manager of a social service agency knew what she needed to encourage women to come for help: wool. The agency she founded provides food, clothing and psychological and job counseling to Serbian refugees. "The women could make jumpers and sit and knit ant talk." In doing so, they have become the voices of reconciliation.

From a recent Seattle Times article

Excerpt from The Chalice and The Blade

Riane Eisler…proposes … two basic models of society. The first, … the dominator model, is what is popularly termed either patriarchy or matriarchy -- the ranking of one half of humanity over the other. The second, in which social relations are primarily based on the principle of linking rather than ranking, may best be described as the partnership model.

These models have extraordinary implications for our views of power. In the dominator model, which prevails today, power is symbolized by the Blade -- the power to dominate or take life. In contrast, in the partnership model power as symbolized by the Chalice is about nurturing and the capacity to give life.

Human evolution is now at a crossroad. [Our] central human task is how to organize society to promote the survival of our species and the development of our unique potentials. …we have seen that [our current model] cannot meet this requirement because of its in-built emphasis on technologies of destruction, its dependence on violence for social control, and the tensions chronically engendered by the dominator-dominated human relations model upon which it is based. We have also seen that a…partnership society, symbolized by the life-sustaining and enhancing Chalice, offers us a viable alternative.

The question is how do we get from here to there?

Riane Eisler

 

I believe that is what this weekend is about…. I also believe stories are a very vital way to find the answers to that question. I hope over this weekend that you'll be sharing your stories with each other.

My Story

I am one of the women Faith Popcorn was talking about. I left corporate life in mid-December because I could no longer tolerate being in an environment that didn't touch my heart. When I read Eisler, I realized that the focus of my work has become bringing what are thought of as "feminine principles" back into use. Things like learning to think together so that we really can work collaboratively. Things like paying attention to not just what the organization cares about but also what people care about. And most recently, realizing the power and legitimacy of using intuition to make decisions.

I want to speak to this idea of trusting intuition for a moment because it has such profound implications for us. What I am discovering is that much of our sense of being overwhelmed by too much to do is related to our discounting of intuition. In truth, when we pay attention to what our hearts tell us, it helps us to focus on what is most important.

This leads me to understand what I have to contribute to creating a partnership society.

Here is a second, and very different story: I had a dream earlier this week that generations of women were passing through me. And I heard and felt their fear and their tears as they were torn from what they most loved through war and violence. And I remember thinking to myself, "How can I possibly be big enough to pass them all through me?" When I woke up, I remembered I'd be here this weekend. That I didn't have to do it alone. That in this extraordinary time in which we live, we are positioned to begin the healing for our mothers and their mothers for generations back.

Hopes for the weekend

That as individuals, we each come away with new and renewed connections, some new insights or ways of seeing our world and feeling invigorated.

On a larger scale, my hope is that we bring this "something that's happening" to our conscious awareness. That we can name it. And by naming it, we increase its power. That's important because as each of us goes back to our individual work, that we now know that we're not alone, that we are part of a very powerful trend.

And by knowing we are part of something larger, we take on responsibility for the work of creating a society characterized by life giving and nurturing, and by power that comes through love and responsibility. In short the work of creating a partnership society.

Thank you.

Peggy Holman
May 16, 1998

 

 

TOPIC #1:  The Feminine Side of the "Technology" Revolution

CONVENOR: Sarah J. Chappelle

PARTICIPANTS: Kim, Pat, Marilyn Chase, Lorraine Pozzi, Rachel, Sarah Chappelle, oops; didn’t catch all the names. About 10 women total

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We had an engaging conversation about how women have a huge impactful potential in shaping and directing the role of technology in our lives. We started out by saying that, in reality, the "technology" revolution that’s happening around us is actually a misnomer. What’s happening is really more of a RELATIONSHIP revolution. The reasoning behind this theory is that only when technology is applied within the context of a relationship; work, home, friends, and family; can that technology really revolutionize the way we live. Outside of the context of relationship, and in and of itself, technology becomes intimidating, frustrating, and in general, a waste of time.

Although women have traditionally discouraged from pursuing so-called "technical" paths in study or work, this relationship revolution using technology is a natural fit for women to make a difference. If you look at the relationships we’re enhancing and expanding via technology, it’s obvious to see why women, who are naturally communicative and nurturing and collaborative, can contribute so much to the further and future design of the technology to meet relationship’s needs.

Lorraine Pozzi suggested turning the Basecamp Seattle website (http://www.scn.org/ip/basecamp.html) into a "free for all" for women to collaborate and share ideas on technology rather than use it for a "specific" task.. Use websites to communicate and collaborate.

Technology has the potential to connect, communicate, etc, feminine qualities. But emphasis on rapid response, onslaught of 100s of e-mails, and the speed of technology, creates expectations of speed and competition in reply-time, that really are more male attributes that create discomfort and turns some people off. We had an idea to encourage the incorporation of a "reflect before replying" button on e-mail applications… or "reply in a week after I’ve considered your message. . "

The whole process of software development, generally beginning at the highly technical level is shifting to an initial concentration on the human reception and experience the use will have with the software. The whole concept is to adapt the technology to the humans, to something people would actually espouse and enjoy using.

It is possible to have positive, productive on-line relationship, even at Microsoft (a participant works there and reports that.).

Some have a feeling of loss, though, when using technology if people are near, preferring rather to communicate in person, or at least via the telephone.

Some positive examples of women using the technology instead of being used by it are: enhancing family relationship if family members are spread out, to nurture a love relationship with a significant other via long distances. E-mail allows us to touch each other in ways that otherwise would not even be possible with time and distance limitations. Even so, it IS important to get together physically from time to time.

Rule: Pause/Reflect/Contemplate (PRC) Before responding in dialogue.

There have been studies in how the language of e-mail is changing, becoming more informal, which really impacts and changes the business environment.

A useful distinction in effectively using e-mail is to create ground rules, like PRC, as a kind of communication protocol.

Also, in times of technical upset and business, reach out for help to avoid being sucked into the technology time warp and forget about the relationships we’re here for.

A great resource for technical support, The Computer Goddess, a great company that provides technical support to entrepreneurs and home-office workers.

Other Resources:

Women Leaders Online - contains legislative alerts about very alarming issues.

American Women’s Work website - more political in nature.

Bottom Line

Women must be a stand for using technology to enhance relationships, not having the technology use them. Only then can we be a driving an directing force to change the technology which we then use to revolutionize our relationships.

 

TOPIC #2:  Storytelling—Success Stories

CONVENOR: Kim Wells

PARTICIPANTS: Several great women

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We first started out thinking that we should define what success mean.

Here is our (and this is certainly not an exhaustive list) definition of success:

Knowing your voice gets heard

Knowing you can work on your own terms

Knowing that you are a role model for someone else

Knowing you are a catalyst

Knowing you are doing something you love to do—something you would even volunteer to do (but of course if you can get paid, why not)

Knowing what you are good at and what you should delegate to other people

Having self knowledge

Having fun

Having an approach to work like "Gumby." You can flex when you need to when times demand it

Having the ability to assess what is going on in the moment—when you may need to acknowledge that your previous plan will not work because the criteria or conditions have changed

Having the ability to help others in the organization take ownership

Making meaning for a group—being a leader in this sense—containing the vision for the group

 

One thing that struck us as a group is that our definition of success does not seem to mirror what may be called the more traditional definition of success—getting more pay and moving up the corporate ladder. Our definition of success as a group seemed to focus more on being rewarded internally vs. Externally.

We questioned as a group whether or not women truly have a more difficult time being "successful" in organizations in the traditional sense. (We had a lot of examples of success stories that matched our group definition of success and helped us create the definition of success we came up with.) This question lead to a discussion of money. We began to talk about the fact that it seems harder for women to ask for more money or to raise our rates as consultants. (This is our group’s assumption—we don’t have hard data on this, just observations.) One group member raised the question—Do we as women feel guilty sometimes about asking for more money because we continually remind ourselves that there are folks who are less fortunate?

We did also make the observation that women seem to follow their passion more—if we do not feel empowered by work we want to continually question about what we should do. Is this observation accurate? Will men stay in a job or vocation that is not their passion for longer periods of time than women? If so, why?

 

 

TOPIC #3:  USE OF STORY & DRAMA FOR SOCIAL CHANGE

CONVENOR:            Cynthia Gayle

PARTICIPANTS:      Margaret O’Donnell, Linda Jaech, Susan Adams Eunn,

Kimberly Richardson, Leyla Welkin, Frances McCue, Jane McClure, Suzanne Tedesko, & Lucinda ?.

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY  Women came with board, varied, and talented experiences: doing role playing in business for teaching/consulting, an actress starting theater company, a film maker interested in using media for educating and addressing cultural morays, a lawyer-who also records oral story-who also want to act for fun, two people who use akido in different contexts to access people’s stories, two people involved with the creation of a writer’s center that encourages the telling of story, a psychodramatist interested in using sociodrama, a few are consultants, a few are therapists.

Topics talked about were more sharing than resolving, and a few "networkings" were made. Themes that emerged: Resistance in general population, especially in work settings, for people to speak up, let alone access creativity—it gets zapped out of them. Though, all the more need for this work. Story telling (ours or other’s) has more personal engagement, can be medium for healing, accesses the nonlinear, the imagination, creates a win-win atmosphere, and nothing connects people more than a good story. Questions were briefly opened but not answered about how to best tell or access people’s stories. Bringing story into action, drama or role playing makes it come from within the body and makes an holistic process—which accesses being in the present moment, fully there, and out of one’s head—which fosters creativity and holistic learning. Questions arose about the ethics involved in recording people’s stories—do we take away, are we using, stealing energy or disempowering, and are we misrepresenting every time we edit? If we fictionalize people’s stories, will that take care of the ethical and spiritual questions of what we may be taking? And of course, last but not least, we need to hear more of women’s stories.

 

TOPIC #4:  Tapping into the power of circles

CONVENOR: Stephanie

PARTICIPANTS: Lorie, Christiana, Marcy, Illania, Stephanie

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Some of what draws us to circles is we find its a place:

Our questions included:

How to convene circles?

resources mentioned: books Sacred Circles, Calling a Circle, also recent grass roots publication called "The Emergence of Wise Woman: A Learning Chronicle" ordering info available on Sunday, (see Stephanie Ryan 206-216-0641, she will have a copy)

Do women dialogue differently, when it is only women in the circle? If so, how?

            Listening to what is moving in the room, less need to have it be my idea, attention is on relationship, attention can be on ways we meet, come together engaging all aspects of our selves, physical movement, dialogue, story, touch, …..woman enter receptive

What is the individuals’ relationship to the collective?

Reference Star Trek series, the Borg and the exploration of a woman’s perspective

Jungian references to the collective archtypal realm

 

 

TOPIC #5:  ABUNDANCE & WHOLEHEARTEDNESS

[finding balance in our lives]

CONVENORS:          Carol Yamada & Mari Tester

PARTICIPANTS: Adams-Nichols, Linda; Alexander, Kathryn; Anderson, Suzanne; Angello, Mickey; Aspin, Toni; Bayes, Lorraine; Bradford, Ann; Chan, Gei; Collins, Leslie; Cooper, Gaywynn; Cowdery, Joan; Curtis, Barbara; Dorchester, Margaret; Foon, Candy; Graham, Malory; Hatch, Kia; Huber, Joy; Jones, Estell; Jonstad, Kristin; Lester, Teri; Levin, Amy; Luckett, Sylvia; Mirr-O’Brien, Joyce; Paul, Marschel; Paulson, Betty; Rabinowitz, Andrea; Raul, Patricia; Reiss, Norma; Ruppelt, Tina; Sarantos, Stephanie; Strong, jeanne; Tester, Mari; Turia, Karen; Ward, Micheline; Widdison, Andrea; Yamada, Carol; Zeigler, Judy

 

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

At introductions, the following kinds of concerns/issues were expressed:

 

We explored our definition of "WHOLEHEARTEDNESS".

o        open-hearted

o        centered

o        open to joy

o        love overflowing

o        transforming

o        exquisite self-care, "self-full", not selfish

Burnout was described as feeling like one is lost, as having a closed heart. Finding our inner voice is the key to wholeheartedness – "how clear am I to the energy within".

We shouldn’t feel guilty about deciding to change our goals. To stop living our lives with our old scripts, we need to identify what those scripts say in order to rewrite them. How much of our culture drives our scripts? [Are mothers given a "guilt manual" at the hospital when they have their babies?]

What has gotten us to this point where we are able to have this discussion? Is it the life experiences we’ve had? How do things build from what’s happened to us in our lives? As women we’re not groomed to know what we want, or how we feel. What tools might we teach our children to use to do this rather than driving their lives on the approval of others. What can we do for our daughters & sons? We can tell them the truth, about our lives, our thoughts, our actions. As women, we mustn’t be afraid to step in and show our sons another way to deal with situations. If we are aware that something is not right, we must be brave enough to take action. Remember, children are like Christmas presents. Each year as we look at them we see new gifts.. honoring that is so important.

Women have a unique way we can lead and it’s centered around being able to tell the truth. It works with our children as well as in the business setting. Being able to speak authentically honors us and others and gives courage and a voice to others (yes, even men!). We have a powerful wisdom that’s flowing through us. Let’s capitalize on it and not negate the power of our nurturing.

On the topic of whether we are "hard-wired" to behave in certain ways, it was suggested that there are some biological realities – that reality is male in our culture. Do we operate on the premise that it is a male God?

Do we need to leaders in our home, community, workplace, nation? Or, is that a male model? One answer is YES, but each of doesn’t have to do it all. If there is one arena that calls to our passion and leadership, take it on. Let a different woman take over another arena about which she feels passionate. Women’s leadership is cooperative & collegial. How can we turn leadership into a collective process vs. An individual process?

We have to lead and redefine leadership. Our job as women in a collective is to redefine leadership, it is not men vs. women .

~~ [not quite] the end ~~

 

TOPIC #6:  The Power of Akido to Resolve Conflict.

CONVENOR: Malory Graham

PARTICIPANTS: Rosemarie Fitzsimons; Catriona O’Curry; Fidelma McGinn; Bette Stephens; Clancy McDonald; Leyta Walkin; Kimberely Richardson; Karen du Flour des Champs; Jane McClure; Andrea Rabinowitz (and others who joined in later..)

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Akido is a relatively ‘young’ marital art. It was conceived in Japan in the ‘40s after World War II. Given that the traditional Samurai and conquest model had failed in that conflict, the idea occurred that perhaps there was a better way of dealing with conflict, in a more balanced way. Akido embodies the more feminine warrior spirit and the philosophy of taking conflict into peaceful reconciliation. The question was asked as to how people react to conflict..? Some responses were;

Some expressed intimidation of entering a martial arts school. To counter-act this intimidation, Malory led a group exercise in some simple Akido techniques that offer effective approaches to getting out of a conflicting situation. The idea of reversing the balance of power and taking the energy of the aggressor and harnessing that to your advantage was well displayed. Some great and useful exercises! Especially good to help digest lunch and lead us into the afternoon sessions.

Observations after the exercises:

There were several requests for information regarding class availability outside of the Seattle area, like South Seattle and Issaquah. Anyone know of any..?

 

TOPIC #7:  Build Equality into our Education System around the "Role of Women in History"              

CONVENOR: Kerri Stoehr

PARTICIPANTS:

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

We need to find a way to build equality into our education systems around the role of Women in History. Recently I have read a couple of books ("We Are Our Mother’s Daughter’s by Cokie Roberts, and "Pioneer Women" ? - I’ll have to get the author) that speak to the role women have played throughout history (especially U.S. history) . From serving in the armed services (even back to the Revolutionary war and Civil war) to settling the west. There are historical records of many acts of bravery, foresight, vision, and independence by women - way before the "feminist movement" …. Where is all of this in our history books and education?

As I read the books I found myself thinking "I didn’t know that". I came out of the education systems and religious systems, thinking that men had been the important people in history with women mostly in the background, and that only recently have women been emerging as courageous doers, independent thinkers, leaders, etc..

I know I am inspired and awed to read about "feminists" throughout history (during even more difficult times then we have today) that made great strides in the struggle for women’s rights, women’s issues, and in publicizing the value that women bring to society.

I would like to explore/find a way to achieve "equality" in our education system to include the role women have played in shaping our history, so that our daughters will know that they are not alone - that there are those who have gone before who feel the same and who have helped pave the way.

No one joined me in discussing this topic, so I welcome any ideas regarding if there is already a movement in this area - or any ideas for how to bring equality to the education system.

Kerri Stoehr

 

 

TOPIC #8:  Reconciliation

CONVENOR: Cleo Molina

PARTICIPANTS: Cleo Molina, Kathleen Smith, Gail Casper, Kate Williams, Jane Woodward

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Background:

Cleo has been working on a dissertation on the topic of reconciliation i.e.: "Re-establishing relationship" for the past two plus years. This involved sending out about 400 questionnaires as well as many interviews. She is looking for a process which is involved in reconciliation consistently.

Kathleen spoke of her experiences of a growing tendency toward an "us and them" attitude, especially in her work environment—and of her interest in exploring a more collaborative model. She said she finds herself returning to her roots in non-violence. That discipline included assuming a common interest.

Jane is a nurse, does mind-body work (Heller method), works with hospice of Snohomish county and works with adolescents around grief. She noted the polarizing influences in society today. She also expressed a belief that the promotion of the self is somehow related to reconciliation.

Kate spoke about that point at which a relationship "feels unnatural—when you are ill at ease." At this time she tends to focus less on the huge upheavals and more on the small "ill at eases".

The group broke into a discussion of these "ill at eases". And discussion went from there. Some of the various comments:

Feeling is a piece of it only—"truth" is we’re changing. Honesty is the key.

Connections don’t end, they just take different forms.

Relationships don’t end either, sometimes we continue to re-work them—sometimes without reference to the "other". –How do we make it a dynamic system?

In an e-mail "relationship" how do I know if I’m relating to "her" or to the words on the screen?

The beginning of a breakthrough was when we shared what kind of future we envisioned together rather than re-framing the past.

A recent NPR story of a Palestinian and an Israeli mediator who had been involved in secret negotiations way many years ago before any negotiations were made public -- They drove each other crazy—were bitter rivals who kept revisiting and reconstructing the past. Until they agreed to envision a future together, they could not move on. They eventually were successful and also became friends.

Important to build a story—coming out of current time. . . not coming at the relationship directly: It’s about me, and now, and what I know what now.

"Right relationship" also requires justice—but who defines it?

Found that once the "moment came in which we said we know we had hurt each other and we were sorry—I no longer needed "other" forms of justice (i.e. Venting, compensation, to be heard). Was "justice" done?

Sometimes the past needs to be "cleared" so that the future can be built.

Sometimes I choose to suspend my goals or feelings for now in order to listen.

Relationship is organic—not an entity in itself. Our society seems to encourage us to view "relationship" as a box rather than a coming and going of folks –something which is constantly changing.

 

TOPIC #9:  MONASTICISM/ WILDERNESS

CONVENOR: GAIL CASPER

PARTICIPANTS: KATHLEEN SMITH,GAYWYNN COOPER, KIM LARSON

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Monasticism, wilderness and foreign travel all strip away the internalized cultural values and habits we carry and give us a closer glimpse of what our real selves might look like. All involve an element of risk—getting past fear, moving away from the familiar boxes in which we feel safe and limit ourselves. Wilderness experience takes out of our element and lets us feel both our vulnerability and our root power.

We go to wilderness or the monastic experience for different reasons:

the feeling of being home

the feeling of being in a safe place so we can go deeper

pushing back the edges to feel our strength and weakness

gaining perspective

Women who go out alone are going against cultural norms. They are perceived as dangerous, dykes, people who might question other cultural roles and norms. They are no longer domesticated .

When we go out, we are face with the question of what to bring with us and what to leave behind. Do you take food and water on a three day vision quest? Do you take a cell phone on a bike trek? Do you take computers to your monastery in the wilderness? Technology connects us to the world and lessens the risk of the experience. It might make possible a sustainable lifestyle on wilderness land. On the other hand, connections to the more urban culture quickly become internalized so we bring the city with us—inside us-- to the wilderness.

The effect of television on many small town people who live surrounded by or close to wilderness is that they become more urbanized and more cutoff from and fearful of the land.

Another big question for women who go out to wilderness and monastic solitude is the question of self indulgence or narcissism. Is it selfish? What do we pass on to the next generation?

We had all struggled with these questions. General conclusion: living in a different relationship to land, solitude and culture was an important thing to pass on. People need to see alternatives. We also try in a variety of ways to give back to the larger culture. Finally wilderness itself acts as corrective. It both demands and allows that we be just who we are—creatures among the creatures. When you wake up in the night is that a cougar or your stomach growling??

 

 

TOPIC #10:         Organizing across distances and differences - "national/local"

CONVENOR: Anne Focke

PARTICIPANTS: Stephanie, Barbara Swift, Mary, Kate, Arvella, Liz, Kristin, Elise, Norie Sato, Marcy Jackson, Mary Carroll, Frances McCue, Betty Patu

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

What attracted you to this topic?

Anne: Works with arts and artists. Changes in support at federal level (NEA) and project to think about how artists make their way economically got her thinking about mental patterns we use to talk about and organize our work "nationally" - or "across distances and differences." Patterns are not necessarily helpful. Much of our ideas about "national" seem based as if we were up high, in plane or on mountain top, looking down at the whole. We do things like cut the country into regions. In some ways, the idea of "regional" comes from a sort of disembodied "national" place. This is different from starting where you are in a particular place. When regional dividing lines are drawn, people aren’t necessarily thinking about whether the geography lines make sense to the people inside them. She wants to try to think about working with people in other places with a beginning sense that is rooted in a particular place, though not with an isolationist intention. She liked the idea, suggested earlier in the day, of contrasting "ranking" with "linking." Maybe if we start where we are, linkages is a useful term - connected and relational.

Questions: How can we inspire each other through example rather than by setting "models?" In the arts, the "center" tends to be in N.Y. and D.C. . What ways have you found of being based where you are and of developing relationships across distances & differences?

Stephanie: Works for a school here that is modelled after a school in Massachusetts. She thinks about the linkages between her school and others like it elsewhere. She suggests letting associations grow from a purpose that is actually happening. Formalize something that is growing, then draw ideas and inspiration from others.

Barbara: Working with a friend. Change not happening in individuals organizations but "progress" is happening in between. Her work takes a systems approach, which shouldn’t be (but often is) hierarchical. Instead it should be in the connections where things really happen. Comprehensive solutions are not coming from institutions but from community A community can have a vision of what it needs in the future.

Marcy: Works with California Institute of Integral Studies. Makes connections through internet network teaching. Wants to be sure to have enough "in the flesh" connections," to nurture extended family across distances. Public Conversation Project: Interest in how to bring people together around a subject full of conflict, like abortion or racism.

Anne: Interesting to think of family connections as a metaphor for this question.

Kate: Her family lives in different places. How can son & daughter be supported? Thinking about email. Email is changing relationships. What’s important in her work is often in conflict with the legal and financial guidelines (established nationally). Setting up situations across distances to do an internship in Australia. Work at Children’s Center, getting a new director who is moving toward hierarchical medial model. Now people in organization are more isolated. As an individual working with own clients she felt more participatory, and no clash. Now, when working with more people, she is experiencing clashes.

Look for inspiration elsewhere. How can she balance what she and coworkers need vs. What the agency says is important. How can she guide the development of the new department based on what is important. If it is not in line with national rules and regs.

Arvella: Interest in public art. Working on growth management act fornew city. Saw how art in Europe is integrating element in cities. European male exchange students think it is OK for men to be involved in arts. Is this difference a factor in our country’s lack of support for the arts?

Liz Campbell: Lives in S.F. Worked with Chinook/Whidbey Institute. When saw title of this session, thought "I resemble that." Worked in this arena for many years in nonprofit Institute for Humanistic Psychology. Connections grow from shared values. Medium of technology as a tool. Calif. Inst. For Integrative Studies. Work with distance learning. How to create environments that support distance relationships.

Kristin: Thought the title was "linking" across distances and differences. YMCA national staff position. is a person who has 6 regional centers and was involved in forming. Top down system and top down support network. Works with individual centers. Task is to pull up the "hot spots," the inspiring things. Is able to connect incredible stuff to other centers and get money in to those places. Y is about voluntary associations. Staff were secretaries at first – the people who take notes. Her job is to remind where we came from Interest in using the technology more. Youth are interested. Other staff are cautious. Unleashing a movement – 2200 Ys in U.S. communities. Working with the concept of "organizing."

 

 

 

Elise: Looking for ways to make links in social activism. Comes from concept of solidarity. How to make links that don’t take away from local efforts. Involved with Beijing studies. Connected to a collective of people in Chile. Building links is an interest.

Norie: Artist. Interest is on a smaller scale. Works with public art collaboratively with other artists, in one case with two artists based in Portland, in other case, with an artist from Texas and one from Boulder (project is in Miami). How to make the work match the places where the art will be. How will linkages work in a personal way?

Marcy: Interest in different levels. Giving leadership nationally to a disperse group. Using travel & technology. Trying to hold a "virtual container" for an effort that is not space based. Feels like working in ways that lead her to forget how to act in more natural/local way. Time is an issue also.

Mary: Working as an advocate for women in prison. Interest in doing this work on a more national level. Wants to learn from other places & people, and to share. Computer as tool. Present the computer differently to seniors.

Frances: On a fellowship from a national foundation. Strategies to work with other fellows in same program who are spread out around the world.

Kate: Systems issues with end product needing input from various people. Email was used but was a clash with the management structure. Potential of technology to provide access.

Liz: Navigation - how to work - non-ranking, linking way beyond just electronic/technical communication and organizing.

Liz: Self organizing, The Simpler Way, Margaret Wheatley

Mary: What does it require to make connections, to make things feel alive? What is the minimum?

Liz: Learning styles

Kristin: Can’t do technology without the personal piece. Using technology for research and getting what we need. How to get to the more juicy stuff? Do you make sense of it online?

Anne: Interested in thinking through/making sense of things - whether talking or online.

Liz: Begins happening. Aliveness technology.

Barbara: Technology is a tool. Wonderful dinners as important.

Mary: And wonderful poets.

 

 

TOPIC #11:         Beyond Making Art: artists contributing to society in other ways

CONVENOR:            Norie Sato

PARTICIPANTS:      Anne Focke, Catriona O’Curry

                                               

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Discussion was short, but also very informal due to small number of participants.

Questions raised: when artists participate in society beyond their works, is their participation in different ways than for non-artists?

Are there specific areas which draw artists or not?

Visualization skills are different from person to person regardless of field of endeavor, but do artists tend to be able to visualize the big picture better?

How does one find out if someone has the capacity to visualize the big picture?

How does one nurture creativity and visualization skills in children?

No specific recommendations emerged, except that we should be able to incorporate images with our proceedings.

 

 

TOPIC #12:         Spirit At Work: Integrating Business and Spirit

CONVENOR:            Cynthia Clay

DISCUSSION:

Why are each of us here?

How do we influence the acknowledgment of Spirit? Can we create learning opportunities at work for these topics to be explored?

What does it mean to have Spirit in the workplace? What does it look like? Feel like?

 

TOPIC #13:         Humor in the Workplace

CONVENOR: Jeretta L. Scott

PARTICIPANTS: Cindy Clay, Rosemarie, Lucinda, Shelly, Jeretta

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

The group first introduced self, and why present. As the discussion went a common theme of play and child like behavior kept surfacing.

Shelly discussed the issue of not "feeling" welcome in the golfgame and was seeking ways in which to possibly incorporate humor to discuss the feelings of being left out.

Humor opens of creativity

Have stuff available in the workplace that promotes humor.

How do you incorporate humor into the workplace. How does it get introduced?

California Governor office (lucinda) stated that in their workplace it is in the job expectatioins to HAVE FUN.

We then discussed that it is important to have the "buy in" from management/high ups to bring humor into the workplace.

How we use our perceptions in the workplace and humor helps us to cope with meetings when we feel there is sabatoge taking place.

Humor can be very suttle , it doesn’t have to be a clown around every corner. A cartoon, a smile, silly stuff, humor is different for everyone.

 

 

TOPIC #14:         How to bridge between cultures. Why are all women white?

CONVENOR: Lu Rachelle Brim-Atkins

PARTICIPANTS:

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Issues:

Fear and scarcity were a common theme through out.

Not making the progress initiated in the 60’s. It s possibly worse

November vote on Initiative 200 - anti-affirmative action.

Right wing is more vocal, moving from subtle to blatant. White women are the main benefactors from the last 15 years.

Some people not realizing they’re discriminating.

Why have some been left behind? Why can’t we all contribute and benefit?

Women need to be educated. They don’t realize problems - complacent. Don’t know full ramifications of Initiative 200.

How do you attract a diverse group? How do you support them? Not make them the odd person out? Why don’t white women mentor women of color?

60’s- missed an opportunity to talk about equivalencies; What does everyone get out of it? How do we market the idea? How do we keep talking about it? What do I need to do to get over my fears?

No such thing as status quo - you go forward or you go backward.

How do we help all women develop skills and succeed? Should be skill based diversity.

How do you encourage people to mentor when they are nervous for themselves?

Bigger picture - people in community - focus is what about me, Looking at cutting welfare., etc. Why is all this happening?

Scarcity Model is alive.

Why aren’t we as women putting ourselves in a more integrated environment?

People avoid discomfort - avoid knowing and understanding others

How do we get comfortable with change? We’re comfortable being the critics. How do we be the leader? Where am I dodging being a leader?

People aren’t speaking up against discrimination.

Women afraid to speak up against men in corporations.

We can make subtle changes and influences on our own. Don’t have to make bold strong stances against discrimination.

Start an infinity group - to support diverse beliefs - giving each other strength.

Why don’t people stand up (white women)?

Is there any recognition of the impact on people of color when things are said and ignored? Telling people after the fact that "you’re sorry" doesn’t help. People who allow this aren’t full up to their eyes of this kind of treatment.

We don’t come together in solidarity.

People who have been discriminated against can lose all their rights, receive death threats, the organization shuts down against them. It can be very serious.

Language causes many if not most misunderstandings - not race or sex.

If you are comfortable, you’re not learning

We’re all ignorant of other’s cultures - we need to share and learn about each other’s cultures. Honor each other’s needs and beliefs

Intent and impact are 2 different issues. You may not intend to hurt someone, but the impact can be strong.

There is prejudice against different religions as well. Get rid of words that wound.

Women have so much in common - afraid to bring up diverse points

Why is it a problem to be colorblind? Or gender blind? Difference Blind? The only time it is a problem to notice is when there is a judgment attached.

Working class white males feel like they’re being locked out. We can’t be "us and them". We have to be compassionate for the white male and everyone else. We have to be leaders by partnering.

We have to know ourselves and our trigger points. Reflect back to one another in a supportive way.

How do we build the bridges?

Vote - talk to others about voting.

In leadership - make it OK to say "I didn’t like what you said and here’s why….". Create a safe environment to talk through diverse topics.

What kind of a different integrated model can we create where everyone can be comfortable. How do we create a different world view? Put yourself in an uncomfortable place. Learn what it’s like to be invisible, to not know the rules.

Great film called Color of Fear. It’s all men. A great film to stimulate conversation.

There is another film created through World Trust with all women.

We need to have multicultural meetings. One example is the Forum on Race sponsored by the Seattle Chamber of Commerce.

How do we create a safe place to be uncomfortable?

We need to conceive of a paradigm of partnering. We have to hold it as possible - hold in consciousness. "A Different Mirror" is a good book.

Shop in a neighborhood where you don’t normally shop. Go to fairs in different communities - International District. Pathfinder has 2 Thursdays a month for Native American sharing. They also teach conflict management. We should teach this to children and adults. Check the newspaper for different cultural activities.

 

TOPIC #15:         Women as Peacemakers/Reconciliation/Making Sense of What’s

CONVENOR: Norma, Cleo Molina & Terry?

PARTICIPANTS: Gerilynn Brusseau, Raye Brusseau, Andrea Rabinowitz, Susan __? Suzanne Tedesko

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY

Three groups with similar topics combined. Session began with each of three speaking about their reason for calling the group; then others shared why they were drawn to come.

(Ranges from women who’ve lost family members in Vietnam and wanting to mend…60’s activists now with the added personal motivation of having teenagers of her own; women who’ve been involved in citizen diplomacy to social justice work.) Women shared personal stories of their personal losses through war .

            Gerilynn tells her story about losing a brother in Vietnam just 16 days after he arrived in Vietnam and how that event changed her life. Despite the pain and isolation she felt after his death, something about the experience "went into my heart in a good way." A second life-changing experience was welcoming 5 Soviet guests to her Edmonds restaurant : out of these two experiences, the idea of culinary diplomacy – cooks cooking together and farmers farming together – was born, and Gerilynn began organizing "culinary diplomacy initiatives in the Soviet Union and the Middle East. In ’95, when she learned that Vietnam was opening its borders to U.S. citizens, she decided to launch a citizen’s initiative in Vietnam, believing that official state relations should be built upon pre-existing citizen efforts. She merged her program with that of her late husband, Danaan Perry, (who started Earthstewards) to start an organization called Peacetrees Vietnam. In collaboration with Oxfam and other groups, a delegation went to Quong Tree province – an area devastated during the Vietnam War that still had about 58,000 landmines undetonated; at least one child every week dying from accidents. The group consisted of 43 people from 8 countries, including a team of retired US military de-miners. that cleared 18 acres of landmines and planted trees on the land. For 3 weeks they lived & worked with the Vietnamese. In March, representatives of the group broke ground for a Center for Landmines Education; group is receiving backing and support from the US State Dept. Gerilynn met a Vietnamese woman who’s a surgeon that performed surgery inside the CuChi tunnels during the war. She shared that she’d not only operated on wounded Vietnamese, but wounded GI’s as well. She was heartened by the project and arranged for The Women’s Union of Vietnam women’s group to design a curriculum for the Landmines Education Center.

            Another woman shared that some years ago, she’d worked on military technology, developing infaraed anti-tank missiles; in recent years; she was plagued by a recurrent nightmare and realized she had to quit her job. Since then, she has been doing peace work.

            Cleo Molina has just returned from Mexico. Situation there is very volatile and the gulf between rich & poor in increasing dramatically. (4 of the 12 richest billionaires in the world are Mexican.) Explains how government bribes poor people by giving them food to squeal on their neighbors if they’re suspected Zapatistas (guerrillas); the government, in turn, retaliates by wiping out families of suspected Zapastistas, and the result is a total breakdown of community. Andrea shares that the same thing happened in Romania with parents turning their children in (or vice versa? Not sure about this).

            Suzanne would like to see a World Reconciliation Network spearheaded by women. It could begin with a group like MAVIA - Mothers Against Violence in America & other women like those at this conference linking up with women’s groups in other countries – like the Vietnam Women’s association Gerilynn’s mentioned –to create a global citizen’s peace initiative. In the process we’d show that there are alternative models to the overarching model of globalization and capitalist-driven consumption, models based on mutuality and support that women are developing in the US in women’s circles. With the growing access to the Internet, the possibility of having a powerful collective voice exists, not just women in this country, but globally as well.

            Norma mentions a national women’s internet group called GRRLS that ‘s a way of exchanging information.

Suzanne suggests that possibly that or another group could serve as a means of mobilizing a rapid response to national policy or world events by showing that MANY citizens—who happen to be women-- have an alternative worldview/objectives and oppose war, aggression and global policies that promote inequity and breed violence.

Norma mentions the Peace Theological Seminary in Los Angeles that has people do various exercises in order to experience peace in their own body. She quotes a DF. Of "peace" as "cessation of against-ness," bringing it back to the notion that peace begins with personal reconciliation with anyone you have conflict with. Peace begins at home. Shares how she reconciled a difficult relationship with her mother when she moved her to Seattle.

            Cleo is studying the effect of reconciliation between family members; has sent out 150 questionnaires in which people share their stories, and to her amazement, only 20 out of the 150 people who’ve responded said they had models in their life for reconciliation – the rest had to figure it out for themselves. What’s challenging about her reconciliation work is how to get from the inner to the outer and the outer to the inner. "When we can share stories, we can learn from each other. If we don’t do that, we objectify: eg. Labels like "sandwich generation" are bandied about which objectify difficult relationships(& remove them from heart-space.)

            Gerilynn: Reconciliation – I like that word… We should use it more….

            Norma talked about a conflict situation in her work with another group that talks the talk of spirituality, but their behavior is anything but. "To be spiritual warriors—I think that’s how we have to engage in the world and the Web is the way to do it. "We’re skilled writers, speakers…" …connectors.

            Cleo:" We’re skilled at ‘being with.’ Someone in grief needs people to be with them. Reconciliation is a process of "being with" spiritually.

            Gerilynn: That’s Really important. To sit with (sharing grief) without making judgments or proposing solutions. Just witnessing…being with.

            Cleo: When we feel pain and are by ourselves, it grows, festers, leaks out, drains out energy. That’s why having that presence is important – someone who will just be with us.

……….Women are good at that.

.

TOPIC #16:         Prevention/Intervention of violence and school failure by youth

CONVENOR: Betty Patu

PARTICIPANTS: Mary Carroll, Kay Bullitt, Jane McClure

 

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

Success of 11 years program at Cooper Elementary School, Success of 11 years program at Rainier Beach High School. Problems in maintaining the program, looking at different ways of how to maintain program in the school district. Looking at the success stories of students who completed the program and their parents. Changing the community from a shooting gallery of weekly drive-bys and gangs running the school to gang members integrating into the programs and passing it on to other young people who are coming in for help.

 

 

TOPIC #17:         How can we guide and support our young daughters to develop a pleasure-filled, healthy, and safe sexuality?

CONVENOR: Mary Holscher

PARTICIPANTS: Lorraine Bayes, Chris Elsbree, Marcy Jackson, Marilyn Kennelly, Judy Leland, Stephanie Sarantos, Andrea Widdison, Ileana (couldn’t read last name)

Notetaker: Stephanie; Recorder: Mary

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY;

We opened with a poem:

                                    Unspoken

                                   

                                    Judith Ortiz Cofer

                                    to my daughter

                        When I hug you tight at bedtime,

                        you wince in pain for the tender

                        swelling of new breasts.

                        Nothing is said, both of us aware

                        of the convenant of silence

                        we must maintain through the rending

                        apart that is adolescence.

                                                But it won't always

                        be confusing and hurting, the body

                        will find itself through this pain;

                        remember Michelangelo, who believed

                        that in marble, form already exists,

                        the artist's hands simply pulling it out

                        into the world.

                                                I want to tell you about men:

                        the pleasure of a lover's hands on skin

                        you think may rip at elbows and knees

                        stretching over a frame like clothes

                        you've almost outgrown, of the moment

                        when a woman first feels

                        a baby's mouth at her breast, opening her

                        like the hand of God in Genesis, the moment

                        when all that led to this seems right.

                                                Instead I say, sweet dreams,

                        for the secrets hidden under the blanket

                        like a forbidden book

                        I'm not supposed to know you've read.

In Cries of the Spirit: A Celebration of Women's Spirituality, edited by Marilyn Sewell, Boston: Beacon             Press, 1991, p. 71

Mary shared a quote from Patricia Hersch's A Tribe Apart: "We have to reconnect the adolescent community to ours. It is not so hard. We just need to reach out and embrace them and take the time to get to know them--one by one, as individuals, not a tribe." (p. 172). The poem addresses an aspect in our relationship with our young adolescent girls--the need for privacy and silence--and the quotation addresses another aspect--the need for open conversation and connection. How can we weave these together with our daughters and other adolscent girls in our lives? She invited us to reflect on two questions, imagining ourselves again as young girls: Can you recall a moment of confusion or concern about sex that you wish you could have talked to an adult about? Can you recall a time you received help from an adult about your emerging sexuality? (in our sharing, none of us who spoke could recall a time of being helped by an adult before we were college-age!).

Several of us talked about how our young daughters (pre-teen) have begun to kiss us with a new and different intensity, and we can sense their juices beginning to flow. We want to celebrate this and keep it alive for them (and also keep them safe and help them to make wise choices). We explored together how to talk with our daughters about sexual pleasure, including self pleasure, especially if we feel they are too young to have sex. One of us celebrated auto-eroticism as a great term. We need to have both the conversations that explore deeper feelings about sexual intimacy and the conversations about the dangers and need for protection. One suggestion was to actively encourage our daughters to make thoughtful, educated choices about sexual abstinence/activity (similar to making a choice about drug use or abstinence) well before they are actively considering sex (a passionate moment is not the best time to make such a choice). This might include their own research and opportunities to talk with older girls and women. We also felt it important for us to talk directly with our daughters about the emotional aspect of sex (and how it relates to values), not only the facts they get in sex education. One of us commented that sex education classes stop conversations about sex at home. One suggestion to keep conversations flowing was to watch movies together. Suggestions included "Don Juan deMarco" (for boys or girls) because of its wonderful descriptions of a woman's body and sexual awakening (and a great sex "scene" --all in total darkness-- with an older married couple) and an old movie "Little Darlings" (early '80s?), that directly addresses the intensely personal and intimate nature of the choice to be sexual with someone ("Nobody ever told me it would be so personal," a young adolescent girl says after having sex for the first time). Another idea is to take a drive together--it can be easier to talk about sex without having to look directly at each other! We can give a gift such as Changing Bodies, Changing Lives (one of us gave a copy to her niece when she was 13 and she seemed totally disinterested, but when she was grown the niece confided that she kept it under her pillow for years and secretly read and cherished it).

We explored the pull between, on the one hand, privacy and mystery and, on the other hand, a desire to be open and talk about it. What is our role, relationship, and responsibility to our children? We still (as a culture and internalized in many of us) have a shame-based morality about sex and that can contribute to our challenges. We want to talk directly about masturbation as a first step--pleasure, self-pleasure--and create/open a door to talk (especially when our culture is not often supportive of masturbation as a safe way for young girls to pleasure themselves). Girls also need to feel empowered to use protection, when they do choose to be sexual with another person. Young people need to have dialogues with each other about sex (guided conversations, as a possibility). One mother shared that her 9 year old daughter said she feels comfortable talking with her friends about getting her period, etc. (the inference: so not to worry, Mom). In our conversations, we need to include the possibility that an unplanned pregnancy can bring great joy, even though we do desire our daughters to plan. Despite our (and their) best efforts, our daughters might one day accidentally get pregnant. They might then choose to embrace the child that "just happens," or might choose to abort or give the baby up for adoption. We also need to emphasize to our daughters that the decision about becoming sexually active is of a different order than the decisions to skip school, sneak out, etc. For young adolescents, all these rules can get lumped together. We explored differences among us, with several of us speaking to a clear sense of limits (not condoning sex for a young adolescent) and another saying that the important thing for her was that her daughter have pleasure and is safe (avoids pregnancy and disease), not how old she is when she becomes sexually active (this being such a private and individual decision).

We talked about a major social problem--adolescents spend so little time with their parents (note: Hersch quoted a study by Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi and Reed Larson that adolescents spend only 4.8 percent of their time with their parents and only 2 percent with adults who were not their parents, p. 20). Adolescence can be a lonely time and adolescents are often starved for touch and attention, which may get channeled fully into sex. We explored ways for adolescents to have physical closeness, including mothers continuing to hug and kiss our kids (one of us described a big double-wide chair she bought just so she could grab her daughter and sit their together for a moment or two) and adolescents being around preschool age kids, who will shower them with affection. Someone mentioned an ad campaign: 101 ways of loving without doing it. Another mentioned the value of a non-traditional Girl Scout program in her part of Oregon called Wise Choice (Wise stands for Wisdom Increases Self Esteem), where girls can meet together and get peer support and talk about issues concerning them. It can be difficult to find another adult for your child to talk with (what if the values of the other adult differ from one's own, for example), but if the right person is found, this can be valuable. We need to find ways to actively intervene to make our adolescent girls' (and boys) lives less lonely, physically and emotionally.

We also talked about the role we have to play in honoring the sacredness of life, honoring meaningful rites of passage. It is a sacred passage when a young girl becomes old enough to make babies, has the power to make life, and we can celebrate it in a way that fits our daughters' own personality and preferences (e.g., a special piece of jewelry, a special trip, or a ritual). It's not enough just to get clinical, menstrual education. We need to re-sacralize sex to counteract the good girls/bad girls thing (which is still very present in our culture). We can take small steps--even something as simple as hanging a calendar of prints from Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel in the dining room can be a celebration of the beauty of the human body.

It's important to recognize how different girls can be from one another (and from their mothers) and to allow for their individual personalities and how they are unfolding. One might be very comfortable being naked with other women; another might be very shy. One might be very comfortable asking questions about her mother's sexuality (and, if the mother feels uncomfortable, she needs to not push her away and yet set her own boundaries of privacy) or her own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and another quite reserved. This led to our talking about how important it is for girls to understand that there is no perfect size for women's bodies (one of us quoted a study that said a large percentage of fourth graders are already concerned about the size of their bodies). We can help girls understand that all body shapes and sizes can be desirable to someone (and none are desirable to all, for that matter). As one of us said, "We need to get it: diversity means being different, really different!" One thing is not an ideal over something else, in any kind of objective sense. We need to challenge any tendency we have to make assumptions about people based on their bodies (e.g., one of us has a mother who is 50 pounds overweight and yet is very strong, active, and healthy). Each person's body--just as it is--is an expression of the divine.

           

A short list of books related to girls' and young women's psychological and sexual development:

Boston Women's Health Book Collective. Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century.            New York: Simon & Schuster, 1984, 1998.

____________.Changing Bodies, Changing Lives. New York: Simon & Schuster, new             edition, July, 1998.

Brown, Lyn Mikel and Carol Gilligan. Meeting at the Crossroads: Women's Psychology            and Girls' Development. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University Press, 1992.

Hersch, Patricia. A Tribe Apart: A Journey into the Heart of American Adolsecence.

            New York: The Ballantine Publishing Group, 1998.

Wolf, Naomi. Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood. New York: Random            House, 1997.

(these are suggested by Mary Holscher)

                                   

 

TOPIC #18:         Women in Prison

CONVENOR: Mary Carroll

PARTICIPANTS: Betty Patu, Karen DuFourDesChamps, Pat Mighone, Kathryn Alexander, Liz Campbell, Marie Salen, Kay Bullitt, Arvella

DISCUSSION/SUMMARY:

When Delia Alaniz was granted clemency, she wanted to help women of similar circumstances she left behind in prison. A group of twelve was formed to help. They visited women in prison once a month for two and half years. This effort resulted in a bill being pass by the legislature for mitigation of sentences based upon abused by the victim. This group than respresented inmate who applied for mitigation under this law. They succeeded in helping a number of them. The organization than continued to represent women in prison before the clemency and pardon board.

Information about organizations helping women in prison is available from Mary Carroll.